If You Must Mourn, Don't Do It Alone

[Jasper]

February 8th, Year 1

Time was nothing short of exhausting. Day in and day out it was the same, battle planning, making sure the troops were fed, making sure training was done and jobs were being done. It was a never-ending circle of repetition that Jasper was soon wishing it would break. He had barely slept the last few nights, and this night was no different. However, unlike his usual repetition, he had wandered from the heart of camp and out into the far reaches of the pride lands. To a spot, he could best see the stars without any interruption.

He missed his home, no matter how messed up it was or had been. He missed the simple things he had, the times where he did not have to worry about so many individuals only himself, his son, and...

They were simpler times. Times that he cherished, times that were ripped away in one swift foul movement that left a tear in Jasper's soul so wide he didn't know what to do. He tried time and time again to heal, with Clopin, with other people but it was like every time he tried he went backward five thousand steps. The damage never seemed to heal, as much as he willed it too.

Tired eyes gazed upward to the twinkling lights above, wondering in Sunderik was among them. Wondering if Nevada was among them, he still remember those night. Discussing what happened after they died, he found little comfort in such talks now but it was all he could think about...

[Nevada]

The unfamiliar sounds of various birds, insects and other creatures unsettled Nevada as the shapeshifter carefully padded through the African plains. He'd spotted a huge rock outcrop in the distance earlier that day and had been making his way towards it ever since. Even though night had fallen the dark pelted Lion had been unwilling to stop and rest until he reached his destination.

When he finally could no longer make out the outline of the enormous rock Nevada accepted the fact that he was going to have to rest for the night and began to search around for a suitable place to make a temporary den. He began snuffling at the dusty ground beneath his paws and paused as he caught a faint whiff of a scent he'd never imagined he'd smell again. He was almost tempted to believe that it was tiredness tricking his mind into finding a trace of Jasper's scent but as he sniffed again he again caught that same familiar scent and he lifted his head to glance around, his emerald green hues soon spotting a figure in the darkness that seemed to fit Jasper's form.

Ears perked forward and his tail lifted slightly in barely contained excitement. Cautiously, Nevada began to pad towards the figure before stopping a short distance.

"Jasper?..." He called cautiously, muscles tensing in preparation to leap away if he was really just so tired that his mind was playing a cruel trick on him.

[Jasper]

It was often said such thoughts were dangerous, but what Jasper didn't expect was it to be so literal. Upon his ponderings the sound Nevada's voice echoed out and he froze like a deer in the headlights. Immediately wondering if lack of sleep had been so cruel as to play some sort of sick joke on him. Mismatched hues looked around quickly, tears starting to burn in his eyes before he could stop them. His gaze flitted around the savannah in desperation. Hoping, praying that it was not a joke, and soon-

His eyes caught the mass of shadows before him and his body grew stiff. Eyes blinking rapidly trying to see if it was some of joke but it wasn't.

"Nevada?" He called back as if he was a million miles away. His voice hoarse and broken as he took in what was happening. For a long moment, he stalled, feet remaining on his perch but then he took a step forward. And then another, until his feet quickly guided him off of the flat boulder he was sat on. He raced towards the other closing the small distance between them and collided with him hard. The feline nearly toppling over the elder before he haphazardly threw his paws in an embrace on the other. His body shook with a sob that refused to come out. Burying his face among the lion's thick mane and shutting his eyes tightly hoping that when he opened them again Nevada wouldn't simply disappear.

[Nevada]

Nevada felt like he was dreaming as he heard Jasper's voice answering his own. Everything around him seemed to slow down, the noises - chirps and crickets and various other sounds of the pride lands faded to a barely audible level and his vision focused on the shadowed figure ahead of him.

The sound of Jasper's broken and hoarse voice broke his heart; he hadn't even considered the possibility that Jasper and Vice might be alive. He hadn't searched for them, only fled the planet as quickly as possible after Flint had bested him.

The lion shapeshifter jerked slightly as Jasper all but slammed into him but he didn't care. He couldn't count the number of times he had sat and sobbed until he was fell into a fitful sleep, his dreams haunted by scenes of his family lying slaughtered at his feet, their corpses whispering that it was all his fault. Too many times his father had appeared to him in his dreams, mocking him for even dreaming of being able to build something worthwhile, something meaningful with Jasper.

Emerald green hues closed as he all but clung to Jasper, desperate to feel the warmth of his husband, to hear the thud of his heart, to smell Jasper's soothing scent. Tears welled and rolled freely down Nevada's cheeks, a broken sob leaving the shapeshifter as he held his husband close. He knew that the other was going to ask about their son, ask where he was and Nevada knew it was going to break Jasper's heart to have the hope that Sunderik was still alive too shattered.

Nevada had seen Flint slaughter Sunderik with zero regards for the boy's youth. He'd presented only as a threat to be put down and Flint had mercilessly executed him. It was over before Nevada could even blink - A single shot exploding as Sunderik lunged for Flint, a plume of smoke billowing from the end of Flint's pistol, Sunderik collapsing on the ground, crimson spilling across the floor.

Nevada trembled in Jasper's grasp as the memory replayed over and over in his mind, a mess of jumbled Spanish and English spilling from his lips as he wept again.

"I'm sorry-- Yo no protegió a él-- Forgive me, my love,--"

[Jasper]

Somehow despite the desire to never let go or open his eyes again, he managed to do so. Warm tears that were quickly cooling spilled down his cheeks, mimicking Nevada's own. His grip remained as tight as ever on the other shifter, however, he only pulled away just enough so he could look at the other's face properly.

There was pain marring both of their expressions. Unsung emotions and tales of their separation. He could not explain the hole in his chest in words, but he was certain that his soulmate could see very clearly the relief and agony he felt by being reunited with his husband. However what he did not anticipate was the news that dripped from the elder's mouth.

When the chaos that had rained down on their home separated them, he had lost everyone. Divided away from his husband, his brother-in-law, and his son. He was left on his own fleeing from the realm they called their home, and he had believed everyone to be dead. The only he had left from such an event was Johael, but eventually, he had lost him too. To have Nevada there now, was something that had reinstilled whatever faith he believed in him but as the lion shifter's voice broke pitifully Jasper could feel his soul crack again.

Some dark part of him already knew what he was jabbering about in the broken Spanglish. Still, though his mind refused to believe. "D-didn't protect who? Y-you..." He found his words suddenly difficult to speak, and the pain of his chest becoming tight was agonizing. "Y...you... w-where's our..." He swallowed thickly, his mind falling into that of their native language. "¿Dónde está nuestro hijo?"

[Nevada]

Shame and guilt filled Nevada's chest, weighing down upon the Shifter like an immovable mountain. Green hues slid closed as an anguished whine left his throat as Jasper questioned where their son was. He wished he didn't have to tell his soulmate, the other half of his heart, that their son was lost but he knew it would be crueller still to give Jasper the false hope of their boy returning to them as he had.

"Está Muerto...." The words dropped like lead boulders from his tongue and Nevada turned his head to the side, unable to meet his soulmate's gaze. He couldn't bear to see the fresh wave of heart and soul-wrenching agony his words would bring.
"I'm sorry... "

[Jasper]

He felt like the world was crashing down on him again at Nevada's heavy words. His fingers gripped the elder tightly while his head bowed and came to rest on his shoulder. Agony was not the word that could describe the pain that welled through his stomach, he felt bile rise in his throat, and whatever hope that had risen for a moment was gone in a flash like a cold wind that had blown out the flicker of a candle.

He gripped Nevada tighter. Refusing to let go of what the Gods had returned to him, their cub was gone, and that torment was impossible to bear but in the light of it, he still had Nevada. He still had one thing from his past, it wasn't all gone into the ash and stardust of space.

His hands moved to cup Nevada's face. Pressing soft kisses across the familiar shifter that he had learned to love despite the circumstances of their marriage. "Hush... Hush, love. You tried... you tried. Okay?" His voice cracked brokenly but he didn't cease his attempt to comfort Nevada. "You tried my love..."