A Penny For Your Thoughts

[Jim Hawkins]

April 3rd, Early Morning

Jim lay on his back, looking up at the old rotting barn that the rest of the soldiers had been sleeping in for the best few weeks. He was unsettled. His thoughts always traveling back to what transpired in Africa. He shuddered. Could he have stopped it? He didn't think so, but he hoped with all his heart that it wasn't his fault that so many soldiers... died. Dear gosh, he hoped not.

Jim twisted and turned. All of the others around him were sleeping, but he was wide awake. He could see the trickles of dawn pouring in. He shifted around for a few moments before getting to his feet and walking out of the barn into the brisk dawn.

He looked around, before settling himself onto a stump, putting his elbow to his knee and placing his head on his hand in a gesture that signified he was in deep thought. Which he was.

[John Silver]

“I still don’t know why ye sleep in that barn when you have a perfectly comfortable cabin on yer ship” Silver moved towards his surrogate son with soft smile. “Ya would get a better nights sleep like I do I reckon” he glances up towards their ship hovering above the cold soaked earth. “What are you thinking about Jimbo?” The ursid tilts his head as soft eyes watch his son.

[Jim Hawkins]

Jim turned to see Silver, and a smile almost seemed to grace his face, but it quickly faded as a question popped out at him. "Because I sort of... forgot," he said with an embarrassed look. It was true, though. He hadn't remembered that he could sleep in his cabin on his ship, but to be honest, sleeping on some hay in the barn made him feel like he was feeling what the other soldiers were feeling at the moment. To better understand him.

His eyes knitted together in a look the conveyed he was thinking. He sighed. "I'm just thinking about what happened in Africa. It scares me, Silver. A lot," he sighed once more. "And there's a part of me that's nagging, telling me it was my fault about what happened in Africa, that I could have stopped it or prevented it in some way."

Jim rubbed his temples. "But I keep telling myself there was nothing I could do," he looked at Silver with wide blue eyes. "Was there?" he asked. "Was there something I could have done?"

[John Silver]

"Because I sort of... forgot,"

The ex pirate raises a brow wondering if his boy was ok since a normal person, a captain at that wouldn’t forget that they had a bloody ship to stay on.

”I'm just thinking about what happened in Africa. It scares me, Silver. A lot,"

The older man nodded, brow furrowing as he listens. “I know lad, it was quite a shock, but nothing you haven’t dealt with aye? Captain Hawkins” he rumbles playfully, a wink was given in attempts to get his spirits up.

"And there's a part of me that's nagging, telling me it was my fault about what happened in Africa, that I could have stopped it or prevented it in some way."

“Don’t be daft!” The words came out harsher then intended, eye flaring an orange color as if Silver couldn’t believe Jim was that stupid enough to somehow think that Nala’s betray, her craziness was his doing “how on earth could of it been your fault? Are you Nala or Jasper? Nay lad! Nay!” He barks out sharply, giving a shake of his head.

"But I keep telling myself there was nothing I could do,"

"Was there?"

"Was there something I could have done?"

“What you did was evacuate the soldiers from that blasted mess of coupe. What you did was save lives of those who wanted out of there. It was madness Jimbo” Silver explains, eye softening to its warm golden color his metal hand moves to grip the man’s shoulder giving it a hard squeeze as if to knock some sense back into his cabin boy.

[Jim Hawkins]

Jim looked taken aback, but slowly let his shoulders relax. "No, I'm not Nala or Jasper," Jim muttered. He didn't want to be Nala or Jasper, because those people were dead. He didn't want to be dead.

He seemed to nod to what Silver was saying, but he still had his doubts. "Yes, I suppose," he said. He then looked at Silver. "You really think I did nothing wrong?" he questioned with a curious tone. He kicked some snow away, sighing. "If you say so, Silver," he said.

He looked out to see that the sun was rising faster. "I just... so many lives were lost in the skirmish in Africa, Silver," he said, his voice tight and his shoulders tense. "It's horrible to think about," he shuddered. He couldn't help but feel helpless, even though he had saved lives, he wished he could have saved more.

[John Silver]

"No, I'm not Nala or Jasper,"

“That was a rhetorical question lad” Silver rumbles, eyebrow raised at his surrogate son’s answer.

"You really think I did nothing wrong?"

"If you say so, Silver,"

Silver’s eye twinkles with an orangish glow. “Jim,” he says, his tone now more serious “I do” the ursid grips the boy’s shoulders with both hands, squeezing them

"I just... so many lives were lost in the skirmish in Africa, Silver,"

"It's horrible to think about,"

“I know, I know but that what happens in a war. You see things you wish you didn’t, that you wish you could erase from your mind” he growls softly, frowning down upon young Hawkins

[Jim Hawkins]

Jim frowned but knew that Silver was right in some respects. He just couldn't shake that feeling of guilt and horror that the sight in Africa left him.

He glanced at Silver and shrugged sheepishly.

He sighed. "But I want to erase it from my mind, it troubles me a lot, Silver," the boy sighed, trying to relax, but found it difficult to do so.

He looked at Silver before looking down at the snow.