Post by Sable on Nov 8, 2018 3:32:30 GMT
(April 7th | Late at night, open thread for bonding and hurt/comfort. Big fat content warning for abuse in the following post, though it is hidden behind spoilers so those who are triggered by depictions of it can stay safe.)
It was burning. Everything was alight with flames.
Every night, every nightmare, they always ended the same-- engulfed in a raging inferno, burning, splitting open her skin, charring her to the bone. It didn't matter how it started, it never mattered if it even made sense. Everything always burned.
Suddenly, it was all fire. Everything she had ever known, her entire life, her future... incinerating. And she held the match in her paw. She saw herself standing outside in front of the house, just a cub... tears were streaming down her face. She could hear their screams. She knew they were burning alive. Her family. She couldn't stop crying. Everything was burning...
And she had started it...
.............
Suddenly, Sable snapped awake.
Tears soaked her burgundy fur, and she couldn't stop hyperventilating. Her parents, her sisters... she hadn't had a dream that vivid and so real in such a long time, not since she was in the institution when she was a teenager. She had practically relived the most traumatic memory in her life, the turning point where her life had completely shattered.
Sable bit her lip in an attempt to hold back sobs that were starting to make her body shudder under the blankets.
You killed them. You killed your family. They're dead, they burned alive, and you did it. You.
Sable buried her muzzle in the pillow to further quiet her sobbing. She couldn't stop crying. It was all too real. She remembered exactly how the night went, the night she let them burn. The night she became the Burning Girl. She remembered the particular smell of whisky, the acrid smell of heroin. The way the floorboards creaked. The smell of the jackets covered in cigarette ash. She remembered all of it.
She could no longer keep it contained. Her entire body heaved with heavy, deep sobbing. The pillow muffled the sound of it slightly, but other people would surely hear her cries. She simultaneously hoped someone heard and would comfort her, but also did not want anyone to know she was suffering. This was a war, and she knew her trauma would resurface, but she didn't realize it would happen this soon. God, how she wished she could forget all of it, forget the fires, forget the screams, forget the house... she wished she could completely erase it.
But it happened. And she had to live with what she had done.
Mom is dead. Dad is dead. Sophie, Topaz, and August are all dead. They're never coming back.
They would never get to hear that she was sorry...
But...
She wasn't sorry.
And that very idea made her keep crying even harder. She wailed into the pillow, practically screaming, curling in on herself, suffocating herself in her own agony, just wanting all of it to stop. Please. Please just make it stop...
It was burning. Everything was alight with flames.
Every night, every nightmare, they always ended the same-- engulfed in a raging inferno, burning, splitting open her skin, charring her to the bone. It didn't matter how it started, it never mattered if it even made sense. Everything always burned.
She was alone. Alone in that closet. She sat on a box of old vinyls, wrapping herself in the jackets powdered with cigarette ash. They were screaming again. She could smell the liquor. She felt his heavy footsteps stumbling around. Her mother's shrill voice rang through her ears, though she could not understand what she was saying. It didn't matter; she had seen this played out enough times, she knew what was happening. She could hear her sisters crying from the next room over.
"You stupid son of a bitch!"
The sound of glass shattering against the hardwood. She flinched, burying herself further into the jackets. Her mother had thrown the glass bottle of Jack against the wall. The smell of whisky permeated the entire house.
"We don't have enough fucking money for your goddamn Jack!" her screeching was shrill, it seemed to rip through the air. "Do you even know what I've done for you?! How much I work my ass off just so we're not on the fucking street?!"
"It ain't my fuckin' Jack that's makin' us bankrupt, maybe if you stopped shooting up every fucking hour we'd be able to actually buy our kids some clothes!"
"YOU SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!"
More things were thrown. She heard something plastic hit him in the head. Her teeth clenched. Please, she thought, please just let this end...
"You stupid son of a bitch!"
The sound of glass shattering against the hardwood. She flinched, burying herself further into the jackets. Her mother had thrown the glass bottle of Jack against the wall. The smell of whisky permeated the entire house.
"We don't have enough fucking money for your goddamn Jack!" her screeching was shrill, it seemed to rip through the air. "Do you even know what I've done for you?! How much I work my ass off just so we're not on the fucking street?!"
"It ain't my fuckin' Jack that's makin' us bankrupt, maybe if you stopped shooting up every fucking hour we'd be able to actually buy our kids some clothes!"
"YOU SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!"
More things were thrown. She heard something plastic hit him in the head. Her teeth clenched. Please, she thought, please just let this end...
Suddenly, it was all fire. Everything she had ever known, her entire life, her future... incinerating. And she held the match in her paw. She saw herself standing outside in front of the house, just a cub... tears were streaming down her face. She could hear their screams. She knew they were burning alive. Her family. She couldn't stop crying. Everything was burning...
And she had started it...
.............
Suddenly, Sable snapped awake.
Tears soaked her burgundy fur, and she couldn't stop hyperventilating. Her parents, her sisters... she hadn't had a dream that vivid and so real in such a long time, not since she was in the institution when she was a teenager. She had practically relived the most traumatic memory in her life, the turning point where her life had completely shattered.
Sable bit her lip in an attempt to hold back sobs that were starting to make her body shudder under the blankets.
You killed them. You killed your family. They're dead, they burned alive, and you did it. You.
Sable buried her muzzle in the pillow to further quiet her sobbing. She couldn't stop crying. It was all too real. She remembered exactly how the night went, the night she let them burn. The night she became the Burning Girl. She remembered the particular smell of whisky, the acrid smell of heroin. The way the floorboards creaked. The smell of the jackets covered in cigarette ash. She remembered all of it.
She could no longer keep it contained. Her entire body heaved with heavy, deep sobbing. The pillow muffled the sound of it slightly, but other people would surely hear her cries. She simultaneously hoped someone heard and would comfort her, but also did not want anyone to know she was suffering. This was a war, and she knew her trauma would resurface, but she didn't realize it would happen this soon. God, how she wished she could forget all of it, forget the fires, forget the screams, forget the house... she wished she could completely erase it.
But it happened. And she had to live with what she had done.
Mom is dead. Dad is dead. Sophie, Topaz, and August are all dead. They're never coming back.
They would never get to hear that she was sorry...
But...
She wasn't sorry.
And that very idea made her keep crying even harder. She wailed into the pillow, practically screaming, curling in on herself, suffocating herself in her own agony, just wanting all of it to stop. Please. Please just make it stop...
