Incorrect Conquest Quotes

[Jenn]

back by popular demand ^^

Jenn: He’ll eventually just burn himself out…
Hades: That’s what you think! I’m an eternal flame, baby!


“I’m not a sore loser. It’s just that I prefer to win, and when I don’t, I get furious.”
-Hades (probably)


Jenn: Based on statistical evidence, I’m immortal.
Hades: How so?
Jenn: Haven’t died yet.

Jenn: Fucking hell!
Esmeralda: *Elbows her* Language!
Jenn: Fucking heck!


Hades: What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?
Clopin: My family.
Hades: Ew.

Esmeralda: i like my boys like I like my girls.
Esmeralda:
Esmeralda: that’s it. that’s the joke. i’m bisexual.


Rapunzel: Perhaps I will drink my sorrows away...
Rapunzel: *opens Capri Sun*



Nasira: I love you.
Perthmail: Is that you or the wine talking?
Nasira: It's me...talking to the wine.

[Nasira]

Esmeralda: At any time in the next twelve hours, this train could be attacked by radical Freedom Fighter separatists.
Clopin: Armed with what? Pamphlets about their responsible gun control laws?

- - -

Maleficent: I prefer to be called "Your Excellency."
Nasira: People in hell want ice water.

- - -

Taylor: Now, why do witches burn?
Hunter: ...because they're made of...wood?
Taylor: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?
Hunter: Build a bridge out of her.

- - -

Aladdin: I also find it interesting that you, Clopin Trouillefou, man without fear, are running away from an enemy.
Clopin: Because Aladdin, man without sense, wasted all the ammunition!

- - -

Sarafina: (picks up phone; Zira is on the other line) Hello, this...is Mom. Yes, the children are playing crocodiles. Sorry, playing with crocodiles. They're bleeding. Oh no, they are dead. Don't call again. (hangs up) Sorry, I panicked.

- - -

Sophia: And since you obviously didn't read the mission dossier...
Bob: FOR YOUR INFORMATION, SOPHIA...I skimmed it.

- - -

Hunter: I have a black wolf that follows me everywhere when it's sunny.
Dante: Actually, I think that's your shadow, Hunter.
Hunter: I call him Leon. He's about half as tall as I am, depending on what time of day it is. He likes to play the timpani, and he is a water color.
Dante: What happens to him when it gets cloudy outside?
Hunter: He goes home.

- - -

Jafar: Perthmail, what are you doing?
Perthmail: Uh, sitting down, sir.
Jafar: What, at the table?!
Nasira: Jafar!
Jafar: Like people?!
Nasira: Jafar!
Jafar: What? Look, he thinks he's people!

- - -

Boso: Geno, wait, slow down.
Geno: Why?
Boso: So I can go past you.

- - -

Hunter: I love...carpet. I love...desk.
Dante: Hunter, are you just looking at things in the office and saying you love them?
Hunter: I love lamp.
Dante: Do you really love the lamp or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Hunter: I love lamp. I love lamp!

- - -

Megara: ...why do you keep your first-aid kit in the bar?
Hades: Because that's where over eighty percent of all home accidents happen.
Jenn: Wow, really?
Megara: They happen in the bathroom!
Hades: Not in my home.

[Vero]

" I put a bra on for this bullshit?"
Megara when Jenn and Hades totally aren't flirting.

---

Clopin, bolting upright in bed: I'm late for court!!

Clopin, laying back down: No wait, thats for government officials...

Clopin, flying out of bed: I'M THE KING!!

---

Clopin and Esmeralda walking the streets of Paris.
Clopin, wearing a cape and carrying a yard stick: I feel so powerful.
Esmeralda: I've been meaning to ask, what are supposed to be dressed as?
Clopin, brandishing the yard stick: The Ruler

---

Clopin: Esmeralda, what is this?
Esmeralda: It's my to-do list.
Clopin: But this list has about half of the Rogue members on here.
Esmeralda: Exactly.

---

Meg, seeing a dead body: Well if that ain't a fucking mood.

---

Any reptile: *Exists*
Rapunzel: I would die for you.

---

Hades: Sorry, lost my cool for a second.
Jenn: Can't lose something you've never had.

---

Rapunzel: Hey Jasper, can I have a hug?
Jasper: I'm a little busy here, Rapunzel.
Rapunzel: Thats what Mother used to say!

[Jenn]

[Freedom fighter Cadets are out looking for something]
Shani: Look! there it is!
*rest of the cadets look around to see nothing there*
Shani: That's what it'll sound like when one of you spots it.
Shani: *waves paw in front of eyes*

Boso: Great, now I look foolish,
Shani: You look just fine to me!
Boso: Thanks Shani, that's really- (pause) why do you feel the need to do that?

Meg: What is love?
Dante: A chemical reaction in the brain.
Jenn: It’s when you would do anything for them but call them out on their bullshit.
Esmerelda: BABY DONT HURT ME..

Rapunzel: Wow, I need a drink.
Rapunzel: *pours capri-sun into a shot glass*

Gurri: Good morning!
Esmerelda: Good morning!
Dante: Good morning!
Clopin: You all sound like robots, why don't you spice it up a bit?
Jenn: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

Hades: Why do you always have to be so extra?
Clopin, sitting on a throne on literal gold, draped in silver robes with angels singing behind him: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Raounzel: I drink to forget but I always remember.
Michi: You’re drinking capri-sun.

Boso: Am I in trouble?
Jasper: Have a guess.
Boso: No?
Jasper: Have another guess.

Dante: Clopin, that’s against the law.
Clopin: *sets off firework* I AM THE LAW!

[Nasira]

Scar: *to Nuka* Did you know that when you were born, the doctor turned around and slapped your mother?

- - -

Boso: I just remembered! Jasper had a special mission for you!
Ferto: Really?!
Boso: Yeah! He said, um, you have to slam your face into that bowl of cereal.
Ferto: Okay! *dunks head*

- - -

Simba: You bitch! You actually think you'll get away with this?
Zira: *laughs* Obviously. Why else would I do it?

- - -

Esmeralda: And why do you have a baby?
Clopin: Well, Esmeralda, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much-
Esmeralda: IN YOUR APARTMENT!
Clopin: Yeah, or a motel, or a port-o-john, or-

- - -

Shani: This is an saratoga nettle; they're extremely nutritious.
Shani: *vomits*
Shani: I was incorrect.

- - -

Esmeralda: Benefits of dating me: You will be dating me. I could go on, but I think I made my point.

- - -

Nasira: *to the other overseers* Um...just one second. I want to check and make sure Maleficent is okay.
Nasira: *cups hands over mouth* HEY, MALEFICENT, ARE YOU OKAAAY?!
Maleficent: *looks up from TV* Yeah.
Nasira: ARE YOU SURE?
Maleficent: *continues watching TV* Yeah.
Nasira: I'M LEAVING, BUT I'LL BE BACK!
Maleficent: Okay.
Nasira: DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?!
Maleficent: No.
Nasira: WHAT SEASON IS THAT?!
Maleficent: Three.
Mortaray: *sternly* Nasira, let's go.
Nasira: Okay. Yeah. Business Time.
Nasira: *removes her necklace* YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS! *throws it*
Maleficent: *has her hand held up in anticipation of catching it, but it's thrown way too high, overshooting her*
Maleficent: *doesn't move*

- - -

Thomas's father: HELLO! MY FAMILY AND I LIVE IN GARBAGE!
Thomas's mother: WE USED TO LIVE IN AN APARTMENT WITH BEDS AND WALLS AND DOGS AND A ROOF!
Thomas's father: BUT NOW WE LIVE IN A BIG PILE OF GARBAGE!
Thomas's sister: I SLEEP IN TRASH AND CONDOMS!
Thomas's father: WHY DO WE LIVE IN A PILE OF GARBAGE? BECAUSE THREE WEEKS AGO WHEN HER HOLINESS RODE PAST ON THE GREAT BLACK STEED, SOMEBODY *points at Thomas* FORGOT TO BOW!
Thomas's mother: SO NOW WE HAVE TO LIVE IN A BIG PILE OF GARBAGE!
Thomas's father: I WENT TO WORK SMELLING LIKE A DEAD FISH AND GOT FIRED!
Thomas's sister: THE KIDS AT SCHOOL WON’T TALK TO ME BECAUSE I HAVE BUGS IN MY HAIR! THEY CALL ME BUGS HAIR!
Thomas's father: MY ELDEST SON NATHANIEL HAS TO WAIT IN LINE AT THE HOLY DEBASING CENTER SO THAT IN THREE WEEKS ON DEBASING DAY HE CAN GROVEL AT FEET OF SHE-WHO-CAN-NOT-BE-NAMED IN THE HOPES THAT WE ARE GRANTED FORGIVENESS! THEN MAYBE WE CAN MOVE BACK INTO OUR APARTMENT AND FUCKFACE OVER THERE CAN THINK OF SOME NEW WAY TO RUIN OUR LIVES!

- - -

Nasira: What the hell are you doing?!
Clopin: I'm Clopinizing this plan!
Nasira: What? Nooooo! No! Uh-uh! You can not make yourself a verb. I will not allow it!
Clopin: I'm a verb now, Nasira. Deal with it!

- - -

Dr. Facilier: This is getting annoying. Hey, Mortaray, can you remind me?  I mean, my memory is perfect, but our orders were to bring back these six humans. I'm just not sure. Did they specify... alive?
Freedom Fighters: *gasp*
Dr. Facilier: You know, I don't think they did!

[Vero]

Jenn: your hair looks good today.

Male-Esme: it looks good everyday.

Jenn: …

Jenn: You make flirting very hard, you know?

Male-Esme: You make me very hard.

Male-Esme: *winks*

Male-Esme: that’s how you flirt.

---

Rapunzel: "What happens if you put a chameleon up on the moon" is a great question. Probably the best question ever.

Hikaru: He will explode and die because there's no oxygen on the moon.

Rapunzel: We never said we'd send him up without a suit, you absolute monster.

---

Esmeralda: *makes finger guns at Meg*

Meg: pull the fucking trigger you coward

---

Jafar: How does Perthmail know your birthday?

Maleficent: I asked him for a present one year.

Nasira: You asked him for a present?

Maleficent: To stop talking to me.

---

Tugso: It's not going to be easy to make friends with Boso, he's a handful

Rapunzel: [excitedly] I have two hands!!!

---

Jenn: We have to get to a hospital, and we have to get there fast.

Meg: Then I should drive.

Shere Kahn: Why you?

Meg: I have nothing to live for, and I drive like it.

Jenn: Okay, let's do it.

[cut to]

Everyone in the Car: *screaming*

---

Jasper: I have my own competent team.

Rapunzel: Jasper! I tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and I broke everything!

---

Rapunzel: You can’t cancel! Hikaru’s even wearing her formal hoodie!

Hikaru: It’s the one without any blood on it.

[Nasira]

Kiara: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Freedom Fighters ever done for us?
Kopa: Brought peace?
Kion: Oh, peace - shut up!
Kiara: There is not one of us who would not gladly suffer death to rid this country of the Freedom Fighters once and for all.
Zuri: Uh, well, one.
Kiara: Oh, yeah, yeah, there's one. But otherwise, we're solid.

- - -

Chumvi: My mom said my dad's name was Scar.
Mheetu: So did my mom!
Scar: Err, uhh, hush up, kids. A lot of lions have that name.

- - -

Simba: I am your king. 

Boso: Well, I didn't vote for you. 

Simba: You don't vote for kings. 

Boso: Well how'd you become king then? 

Simba: *angelic music plays* The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Simba, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. 

Jasper: Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Simba: Be quiet!

Jasper: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

Simba: Shut up!

Jasper: I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

Simba: *grabs Jasper* Shut up! Will you shut up?!

Jasper: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!

- - -

Clopin: If you want to join the Rogues, you have to really hate the Freedom Fighters.
Jenn: I do!
Clopin: Oh yeah, how much?
Jenn: A lot!
Clopin: Right, you're in.

[Vero]

Aladdin: The best revenge is being nice.
Clopin: Or murder.

----

Clopin: So when crows rememberwho wronged them its "intelligent" and "really cool."

Clopin: But when I do it I'm "Petty" and "Need to move on."

----

Zira: Why is rage the only emotion I'm good at feeling?

----

While Training the Cadets

Esmeralda: I feel you're being a little harsh.
Clopin: Thanks, good note. I was going for extremely harsh. I'll turn it up.

----

Hikaru: Silver's kitchen was burnt down.
Rapunzel: Oh no, that's terrible!
Hikaru: I better call and tell him.
Rapunzel: You can't do that, he's on vacation!
Hikaru: So, I shouldn't tell him his kitchen burnt down?
Rapunzel: Well, it'll still be burnt down by the time he gets back, won't it?

----

Boso: Hikaru, I need you to sign my permission slip.
Rapunzel: I could sign it.
Boso: It says it needs to be signed by an adult.

[Jenn]

Simba: So you remember the plan if I ever get shot, right?
Jasper: Of course.
Simba: Tell me.
Jasper: In the case of you ever being shot, as you fall to the ground, I am to sing MMMMM WHATCHA SAY no matter the circumstances.
Simba: Good.


Nasira: The only time I leave the palace is when I'm out of wine.


Esme: Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?
Jenn: I’m a knife.
Hades, from across the room: She’s a little spoon.

Clopin: Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day?
Clopin: Also no.

Rapunzel: LANGUAGE. THERE ARE INNOCENT EARS HERE.
Tug: Good point. Sorry, Shani.
Rapunzel: I MEANT MINE.

Hikaru: You’re so sweet, and cute, and precious.
Boso: I AM NOT SWEET. I AM DARK AND MYSTERIOUS AND DANGEROUS AND VERY PISSED OFF.
Hikaru: So cute.


Taylor: Why are your tongues purple?
Hades: I was drinking a red slushie.
Jenn: And I was drinking a blue slushie.
Taylor: Oh...
Taylor: OH!

[Aladdin]

Zira: Haha, your dad's dead.
Kiara: *tackles her*
Kopa: *sighs* Should we help her?
Kion: Nope, I'm gonna go get some pizza.

Kula: Daddy! I want to watch TV!
Scar: *throws TV through the window*
Kula: *pouts* Your no fun.

Jasper: Quickly! We must drink Capri Sun to be immortal!
Hercules: Are you serious?
Jasper: Yes, you got a problem with that?
Hercules: YES!
Jasper: *walks away*

Nasria: I told you to eat the cat food!
Mystic: But it tastes like barf
Nasria: That's because I threw your leftovers in it.
Aladdin: Why are you who you are?
Nasria: *sings* Cause I got issues, but you got them too!
Aladdin: ...

Kopa: Mom! Kion took all the pop tarts!
Kion: I did not!
Kopa: Did too!
Kion: Did not!
Kopa: DID TOO!
Nala: SHUT UP! *shoves broccoli in their mouths.