Incorrect Conquest Quotes

[Vero]

Esmeralda: Got a hot date?
Jenn: No, but the guy I’m dating does.
Hades: [makes offended sounds]
---
Jafar: You left me to burn!
Maleficent: But did you die?
---
Aladdin: You played me!
Clopin: Like the cheap kazoo you are.
---
Shere Kahn: Every talk I have with you people gets more and more absurd!
Clopin: You say “you people” like you’re not part of the family. Well, I’ve got news for you, Kahn. You’re already on the Christmas card.
---
Ferto (while still following Boso): Can’t we just have a normal adventure?
---
Megara: I don’t get paid enough for this.
Jenn: for what?
Megara: [gestures to everything]

[Nasira]

Aladdin: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.
Jasper: This new learning amazes me, Aladdin. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

- - -

Clopin: Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.

- - -

Jenn: There were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.

- - -

Perthmail: *yells* Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?!
Nasira: >:C

- - -

Maleficent: Hey Jafar, losing's never fun, but here's a little something to keep your spirits up! 
*gives him the finger*
Maleficent: Its real nice. I got it at Target. It was on sale.

- - -

Kattz: You're not gonna live forever.

Perthmail: No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high level income, it's not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300. Heck, I just read in the newspaper that they put a pig heart in some guy from Russia. Do you know what that means?
Kattz: No, I don't know what that means. I guess longer life.
Perthmail: No, he didn't live. It's just exciting that we're trying things like that.

- - -

Thomas: So when you say psychosomatic, you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?

- - -

Hikaru: I know everything about you.
Boso: Oh yeah? What am I allergic to?
Hikaru: Pine nuts and the full spectrum of human emotion.

- - -

Jenn: We’re talking about a man’s life.
Hades: Yeah but he was a murderer, so it’s kind of like, eh?

- - -

Owl: Are you okay?
Tabs: I'm going to start charging people money to ask me that.

- - -

Mystic: But you said Aladdin was all right?
Nasira: *holds Aladdin's severed arm* Yes, he's lost his left arm, so he's going to be "all right."

[Kopa]

Shani: Kopa, where did those pills go?
Kopa: Uh... those were pills? I thought that was candy.
Shani: KOPA!
Kopa: *runs*
Kion: Haha you're in trouble, Kopa!
Kiara: Yep!
Zuri: I like popcorn:
Kiara: ...
Kion: ...

Nasira: Aladdin, come here so I can chop your head off.
Aladdin: Um, I would but I have a doctor's appointment at 3:00.
Nasira: *Charges him*
Aladdin: *shoves a pop tart in her mouth* Calm down!
Nasira: ...
Aladdin: *runs*
Nasira: ALADDIN!!!

Hades: Clopin, did you take out the garbage?
Clopin: Yep.
Hades: Where is it?
Clopin: *points to Hades*
Hades: ...

Jasper: I have an announcement!
Tug: Here we go again.
*Rest of the Freedom Fighters groan*
Kopa: Shut up Jasper!! We all know you like Clopin!
Jasper: I hate you.
Kopa: I get that a lot

Jenn: Haha, you suck your thumb!
Hercules: I do not!
Hades: You have no right saying that Hercules.
Hercules: Really? You have no right being a jerk.
Jenn: *mutters* Do to.

[Jenn]

Tug: Shani is missing, can you find her?
Jasper: What, do you think I have her microchipped or something?
Tug: Well, do you?
Jasper: ...Yeah, hang on.


Aladdin: I’m sorry, you are—?
Nasira: better than you.

Hades: *in greek* You are the best thing that ever happened to me
Jenn: What does that mean?
Hades: You are pretty nice
Jenn: Wow thanks!
Hades: Yeah


Jasper to the cadets: Now, I really don't like being den mother to you lot.
Jasper: ...
Jasper: Okay, fine, it's like crack to me.


Michi: DON'T BE SORRY! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT AN ANGEL! YOU TRIED TO HELP US WHICH IS A SWEET MOVE!
Rapunzel: You're yelling nice things at me again and it's very confusing!


Nasira: Can you call my cellphone?
Maleficent: Yeah
[Maleficent calls Nasira's phone which plays “The Imperial March”]
Maleficent: Is that my ringtone? What is that? Cause it sounds really negative.
Nasira: No. I-it’s from The Notebook

Kula: There are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Nuka way.
Mystic: Isn’t that just the wrong way?
Kula: Yeah, but it’s faster.


Jenn, to Meg after her ex betrays her trust and breaks her heart: You will love again, because time will heal a broken heart… but not that bitches window!
Jenn: [breaks Meg's ex's window with a rock]


Shani: You know, you’re sort of like a Dad to me. You’ve always looked out for me, and you share your wisdom.
Jasper: I am pretty wisdomous.


Taylor: Oh god, did you put glitter in our laundry detergent?
Bob: Oh yeah, I’m experimenting with some new entrepreneurial ideas. That one’s called Sparkle Suds. Dress loud.
Taylor: Will you stop putting glitter in everything? This morning you put glitter in the butter.
Bob: Disco Dairy. Spread the party.

[Vero]

Meg: You know, for once I wanna be fucked by something other than my life…
Esmeralda: And I’ll gladly make your wish come true.
---
Jenn: Hey, Hades, how do you make holy water?
Hades: Don’t you put a cross in it and then-
Jenn: You boil the hell out of it.
Hades:…you are great but terrible person.
----
Gaston: I’d walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a very humid room… but not too humid because, you know… my hair
----
Boso: Who the fuck—
Hikaru: Language, Boso.
Boso: Whom the fuck—
Hikaru: No.
----
Kula: Kula, don’t say a word.
Nuka: …
Nuka: Fergalicious.
Kula: I said no words.
Nuka: Oh, I see. Two weeks ago playing Scrabble, it’s not a word and now suddenly it is a word because it’s convenient for you.
----
Rapunzel: Jeeze, you’re violent…
Boso: Yeah, but I’m short, so it’s adorable.
----

[Kopa]

Rapunzel: Here kitty kitty, want some food?
Kopa: *makes an offended sound* Excuse me?
Rapunzel: *pets him* There, there
Kopa: GRRR

Meg: Give me a hammer.
Jenn: Why?
Meg: So I can ram my skull to a pulp.
Jenn: Um, I think Hades has it.
Meg: Crap.

Boso: Why do you have pop tarts in behind you?
Kopa: Uh...
Mega: Give me!
Kopa: No! *runs but bumps into Silver*
Silver: *takes pop tarts* Thanks, lad.
Kopa: SILVER!

Aladdin: I told you that you would get cramps if you went swimming 20 minutes after you eat.
Arial: But I'm a mermaid!
Aladdin: That's no excuse.

[Tabs]

Perthmail: “Theif”

Tabs: I before E except after C

Perthmail: “Thceif”

Tabs: No.



Shenzi: HEY KIDS WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY!!?!

Apprentices: AHHHH--!



Maleficent: Listen up maggots, today we’re going to establish the pecking order: last there’s you, then the dirt, then the worms in the dirt, then Maleficent’s stool, then Nasira, then Maleficent. Any questions?

Thomas: Yeah uh—

*cut to Thomas being flung from the palace*

Maleficent: Enjoy the climb back up BITCH.



Nuka: I am man enough to admit this. When I was 11, I had a desktop stripper. I’ve never seen such disappointment from my dad. He wasn’t mad. He was just… so regretful of my existence. I tried to be a good child. I ate my spinach. But gif boobs…? Too tempting for this lamb of god.

[Aladdin]

Tramp: Clopin...
Clopin: What?
Tramp: I'M A PRINCESS!
Clopin: *Throws a hammer into his face*
Tramp: OW! *blinks* Ah thanks Clopin
Clopin: *Gives him the OK hand*

Nuka: You're fat
Kopa: You're stupid
Nuka: *stutters*
Kopa: Haha stupid
Kula: No denying that

Mega: Kopa... *sigh* Did you make sure to eat your broccoli
Kopa: Uh yes. *Glances at trash can*
Mega: Kopa!
Kopa: What?! It tastes like Mom's dinner she gives us.
Nala: I'll give you 1 minute to run.
Kopa: *runs*

Nasira: *looks in fridge* Um where is the vodka?
*ALL of the Blackbloods point at Thomas*
Thomas: Oh crap. *runs*
Maleficent: Don't mess with Nasira if she has no Vodka

[Nasira]

Boso: Can we stop at McDonald's?
Jasper: Boso, I'm making dinner at home.
Boso: *crying* I hate this fucking family.

- - -

Clopin: *to Hades* You should listen to me. I came up with hundreds of plans in my life and only one of them got me killed.

- - -

Perthmail: I made tea.
Nasira: I don't want tea.
Perthmail: I didn't make tea for you; this is my tea.
Nasira: Then why are you telling me?
Perthmail: It’s a conversation starter.
Nasira: That’s a lousy conversation starter.
Perthmail: Oh, is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.

- - -

Taylor: How do we usually get out of these types of messes?
Meg: We don’t. We make even bigger messes that cancel out the first one.

- - -

Bob: I’m the type of guy who likes to think things through.
Sophia: Remember that time you tried to eat a marshmallow while it was still on fire?

- - -

Nasira: Hey, Maleficent, do you want me to do a tarot card reading for you?
Maleficent: Sure.
Nasira: *lays down cards* Alright, this one tells me you’re precious, this one says your smile is heavenly, and-
Maleficent: Nasira, these aren’t even tarot cards, they’re just pictures of me...

- - -

Simba: I have made the decision to trust you.
Jasper: A horrible decision really.

- - -

Tabs: How would you like your coffee? 

Crow: As dark and bitter as my soul. 

Tabs: One vanilla latte with extra sugar and whipped cream coming right up.

- - -

Esmeralda: Jenn, I did something terrible.
Jenn: Don’t worry, I have a shovel.
Esmeralda: I - wait, what did you think I did?
Jenn: It doesn’t matter, Esmeralda. No one will ever know.

[Vero]

Bob: Do you ever get like... water hungry?
Sophia: ... thirsty?
Bob: Water hungry.
----
Esmeralda: How much money do you have?
Jenn: 69 cents.
Esmeralda: You know what that means
Jenn: I don't have enough money for chicken mcnuggets...
----
Perthmail: What time does the Judgement Express arrive?
Tabs: Mortaray gets here at noon.
----