Incorrect Conquest Quotes

[Vero]

Gurri: Guys, what are we going to do?

Shere Kahn: Ugh, what are you worried about? You’re so small they probably won’t even see you.

Gurri: Kahn! Is this really the time to be making short jokes?

Shere Kahn: Guri, there’s never not a time because just like you, life is short.

+++-|-+++

Sophia: Where have you been?
Bob: Shopping! I left you a note on your bathroom mirror!
Sophia: Why did you leave a note on my bathroom mirror?
Bob: It was the only one with enough steam on it!

+++-|-+++

Megara: Ha, I’m a piece of trash.

Esmeralda: As someone who cares deeply about the environment, I am obligated to pick you up. Is seven okay?

Megara: ...You smooth fucker. Yes.

+++-|-+++

Shenzi to the apprentices: Hey kids, I know you're struggling right now, but I'm here to tell you that everything gets worse forever.

+++-|-+++

Hikaru: I thought you were better than this
Jasper: You did? Why? 

+++-|-+++

Clopin: Let me slip into something more... comfortable.
Clopin: ::comes back wearing a blanket as a cape::

+++-|-+++

Mortaray: What’s up with Nasira? She’s been lying on the ground for like 15 minutes.



Dr. Facilier: She’s just a little overwhelmed



Mortaray: …Why?



Dr. Fasilier: Maleficent smiled

+++-|-+++

Crow: I will plan, attend, and be the cause of your funeral.

+++-|-+++

Varian, with his leg stuck in a chair: Now, you may be asking, "How did you do this to yourself, Varian?"

Varian, trying to get unstuck: Well Shanty, I have no fucking clue either.

+++-|-+++

Shanty: So how have you been?

Castle: I have this headache that comes and goes.

Clopin: *walks into the room*

Castle: There it is again.

+++-|-+++

Shanty: are you sure you’re getting enough sleep?

Varian: sometimes i close my eyes when i sneeze

+++-|-+++

[Aladdin]

Jasper: Aladdin... you screwed up big time.
Aladdin: What?! It wasn't me! It was Kopa's fault!
Kopa: [mutters] Always the lion who's to blame.
Aladdin: Kopa, stop lion around and tell the truth
Kopa: [glares] I swear, if you tell that joke one more time, I will kill you.
Aladdin: Nah, Nasira already has the title.

Jasmine: Rapunzel... what are you doing?
Rapunzel: [through a mouthful of poptarts] Nothing
Jasmine: Rapunzel... are those Kopa's secret stash of pop tarts?
Rapunzel: No! Oh, what do you know! I was locked in a tower for 18 years!
Jasmine: ... Ok... [walks away awkwardly]

Shani: Kopa... why the heck are you in that tree?
Kopa: [lies] Oh, just enjoying the view.
Shani: Kopa, you have binoculars.
Kopa: No, there glasses.
Shani: Kopa, this conversation is making no sense.
Kopa: [shrugs]

[Nasira]

Bob: You can't lose an argument if you end it with "shut up, nerd."
Sophia: Yes you can.

Bob: Shut up, nerd!

---

Rapunzel: [sipping a capri sun] I completely stand by what I said when I was drunk. 

Michi: You were yelling at me about how we don't deserve ducklings. 

Rapunzel: Listen. We live in a cruel, disgusting world that is dark and angry. Have you seen a duckling, Michi? They are soft, fluffy, and pure. 

Michi: ... 

Michi: ...are you crying? 

Rapunzel: They are entirely too pure for this ugly world. We must protect them. 

---

Simba: There's only one thing this plan is missing.
Jasper: All the steps to make it succeed?

---

Snickers Commercial: You're not "you" when you're hungry.
Thomas: [stares off into the distance] Who am I?

---

Clopin: Are you joking?
Jack: Does it look like I'm joking?
Clopin: You never look like you're joking.

---

Jasper: [to his council] Alright, listen up you little shits!
Jasper: Not you, Hikaru. You’re an angel, and we’re thrilled you’re here.

---

Scar: Don’t overreact.
Perthmail: [already digging his grave and shoveling dirt on himself] I'm not.

---

Maul: [walks in, disheveled] Sorry, I'm late. I was doing stuff.
Icarus: [enters, also disheveled] SHE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

---

Crow: [insolently] Well, thank you very much! I need you, Crow! I can't do this without you, Crow!
Maleficent: [dryly] I can hear you.

---

Shere-Khan: [about Gurri] I didn't know so much rage could fit in such a small person.

---

Kopa: [does something reckless & gets himself hurt]
Shani: After I nurse you back to health, I’m going to kill you.

---

Jenn: Why me?
Hades: Because people like you. You're quiet. You say "excuse me." You look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning.

---

Dobson: Where are you going?
Esmeralda: To either get ice cream or commit a felony.
Esmeralda: I'll decide in the car.

---

Jasper: It's not easy being a father of six. One gets so worn out by such a daily task of the loving yet dreadful -
Boso: [from the kitchen] JASPER, WE'RE OUT OF MILK!
Jasper: STFU, BOSO! DADDY'S TALKING!
Boso: YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!
Jasper: SAY THAT AGAIN, AND YOU'LL BE CRYING FOR YOUR REAL DAD!

---

Nasira: Bi and ready to die!

---

Meg: [is choking]
Spines: Help! I need to call 911 but the 9 button isn't working!
Clopin: Just turn it upside down and use the 6!
Spines: Genius!
Meg: [stops choking momentarily] Wait what?

---

Mortaray: Are you still mad?
Facilier: Do you think this voodoo doll looks enough like you to actually work?

---

Perthmail: Who needs punk rock when you can have punk COCK?!
Perthmail: [holds up drawing of a punk rooster]
Kattz: ...that could have been a very different picture.
Nasira: I'm glad it wasn't.

---

Shanty: Where is Varian? I heard the explosion and he went missing.
Dante: I’m sure that is not a coincidence.

[Clopin]

Clopin: Hey, can I borrow a cup of flour?
Esme: Yeah, why?
Clopin: Some white kids outside want cocaine.

—————

Perthmail: You cracked my mirror in two!
Nasira: Now you have one for each face.

—————

Jack: Identity theft is not a joke, Clopin! Millions of families suffer every year!

—————

Simba: I’m a very bad person. I’m a very, very bad person. I’m a horrible person.
The Freedom Fighters:
Simba: “No you’re not, Simba! We still love you, Simba!”

—————

Kula: Nuka, keep an eye on Kovu today. He’s going to say something to the wrong person and get himself punched.
Nuka: Sure, I'd love to see Kovu get punched.
Kula: Try again.
Nuka: -groans- I will stop Kovu from getting punched.

—————

Jasper: Do you see me as a father figure, Boso?
Boso: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure, because you're always bothering me.

—————

Clopin: We'll have two parties. A fun party down here with us, then an awkward, uncomfortable one in the courtyard with Jack. He doesn't even have to know about it. Separate parties.
Separate but equal.
Forget I said that phrase.

—————

Varian: Rules are made to be broken.
Sophia: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Varian: Uh, piñatas.
Shanty: Glow sticks.
Varian : Karate boards.
Shanty: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Varian: Rules.

[Marahute]

Nasira: Have you ever heard of the saying “better safe than sorry”?
Perthmail: Wow, what a great saying. My favourite is “Fuck off.”

------------------------------------

Varian: And you should stop feeding me dinosaur shaped chicken.
Silver: But you love your dinosaur chicken!
Varian: Yeah, when I was eight!
Kion: We're men now!
Aladdin and Hercules, having their dinosaur chicken fight: RAWR! RAAAAAAAWR!!

[Nasira]

(outside Agrabah)
Esmeralda: We need to distract the guards.
Clopin: Right.
Esmeralda: What are you gonna do?
Clopin: I’m going to kill them all. That ought to distract them.

---

(about Jenn)
Shanty: She is beauty.
Taylor: She is grace.
Hades: She fucking slapped me in the face!

---

Owl: Okay, before you say no-
Kattz: No.
Owl: But I haven't even told you yet!
Kattz: I'm sticking with "no."

---

Jasper: (to council) Sorry I'm late. I was...doing stuff.
Clopin: (pokes head from behind) I'm stuff.

---

Spines: (flashlight under chin) They say a witch cursed this house 100 years ago today!
Maleficent: (100 years ago) Fuck this house.

---

Jack: (to a grocery store cashier) I lost my king Clopin, can I make an announcement?
Jack: (over the loudspeaker) Goodbye, you little shit.

---

Shanty: ...was that really necessary?
Varian: No, but it was dope.

---

Maxwell: It’s quiet. Too quiet.
(arrow barely misses him)
Maxwell: Suddenly it’s too loud! I preferred it when it was quiet!

---

Crow: (points to mask) See? This is my "I don’t care" face.
Frollo: That’s your normal face!

---

Edgar: (looking at X-Rays) This is exactly what I was afraid of.
Thomas: W-what?
Edgar: Skeletons.

---

Jim: Do you wanna hang out this weekend?
Maxwell: Generic excuse.
Jim: Did you just say "generic excuse?"

---

Frollo: Uh...should I be concerned?
Edgar: (dragging a body bag up the stairs) Nope!

---

Thomas: Somebody else needs to become the bad example here.
Maleficent: But you wear shame so well.

---

Silver: (crying in the kitchen)
Aladdin: Why are you crying?
Silver: It's just these onions.
Aladdin: (looks at onions) You will pay for this.

---

Rapunzel: So, I’m going to grab a healthy breakfast.
Rose: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?
Rapunzel: Breakfast burrito, but yeah.

---

Marahute: (waves talons) Wanna see a trick?
Jasper: The last time you showed me a "trick", it took two weeks for my eyebrows to grow back.

[Jenn]

Hades: Get the hell out of hell.

Hades: Top bunk, bottom bunk, or do you want to share?
Jenn: ... I'm taking the couch

Michi: Have you ever heard the sound of a rock breaking a window?
Boso: Uh... no.
Michi: Would you like to?!
Boso: Yeah!

Tramp: Hey, we're friends now, right?
Dobson: F*ck off.
Tramp: The best.

Shani: You guys need to take some relaxation therapy classes. Some scented candles. Take a nice herbal bath. Smoke some weed, I don’t care, do something – RELAX! *Shani does not condone the smokage of any herbal substances

Hades: I’m trying to be a little kinder for the kids -AH FUCK OFF!

[Nevada]

Nevada: Honey, it's really muggy out today
Jasper: If I go outside and all our mugs are on the front lawn I'm leaving you!
Nevada: [Sips coffee from bowl]

[Anka]

Varian: Thanks, dad.
Varian: ...why is everyone staring at me?
Shanty: You just called Clopin 'dad'.
Varian: What? No I didn't. I said 'thanks man'.
Clopin: Do you see me as a father figure, Varian?
Varian: No, if anything I see you as a 'bother figure', 'cause you're always bothering me.

Jenn: Are you scared?
Megara: Not really. I've already lived longer than I expected.

Varian: Our spirits say yes.
Shanty: But Castle says no.

Maleficent: Well if it isn't Timothy.
Thomas: How did you almost know my name!?
Maleficent: I have approximate knowledge of many things.

Clopin, addressing all of his Rogues: WHAT TEAM!?

Crow: From now on, we will be using code names. You can call me Eagle One.
Crow: Maleficent, code name - Been There, Done That
Crow: Aurelia is Currently Doing That
Crow: Facilier and Mortaray are It Happened Once in a Dream
Crow: Tabs, code name - If I Had to Pick a Television
Crow: Nasira is... Eagle Two.
Nasira: Oh thank god.

[Spines]

Esmeralda: Spines, you are also like Arnold Schwarzenegger.  There's Spines Speaking Voice and Spines Crazy Voice.

~*~

Frollo: Look!  Agrabah!
Facilier: Agrabah!
Scar: Agrabah!
Crow: ...it's only a model.

~*~

Blackblood: Don't move Freedom Fighter!  I have a hostage!
The Gourmand: So you do!
The Gourmand: *shoots hostage*

~*~

Nasira: Were did you send them?
Maleficent:  I'll tell you were they're not.
Maleficent:  Safe.